A Saviour Who Understands

2025 was a life-altering year for me.

Falling on black ice and shattering my left femur meant I would be in the hospital for 3 months, and I would no longer be able to do many of the activities I did prior to my fall. 

These three long months in the hospital were punctuated by surgery, excruciating pain, a roommate who hated and swore at me everyday, and a deep-seated feeling of intense alone-ness.

I had never been away from my husband for than a couple of nights at a time over our 43 years together, so this was a huge deal for both of us. Although he stayed in the hospital 24/7 for the first week, that was unsustainable given he had to return to work, and we were in the process of moving. After that first week, he visited after work, and the loneliness was so intense, that I cried every night after he left to go home. And though family and close friends also visited me regularly and made my time spent in the hospital more bearable, the aloneness still saturated me.

During my time in the hospital, I was reminded of two of Jesus' experiences where he too was all alone, all by himself and totally on his own, and both were amongst the most difficult experiences of his life on this earth. 

In Gethsemane, before he was arrested, and knowing what was about to happen, Jesus asked some of his disciples to wait up with him, keep him company and pray with him, but they fell asleep. Jesus was in such agony that sweat drops of blood from his own body, fell to the ground as he prayed that this “cup” would pass from him, that he could achieve the Father’s will some other way. But that was not meant to be, and Jesus allowed his father’s purpose to be fulfilled inspite of the horrible circumstances he was about to allow himself to be put through (Luke 2:44). We often forget that Jesus experienced anguish in this moment, and he wanted and needed the love, companionship, and support of those closest to him, but he didn't get it from them (Matthew 26:36-46, Mark 14:32-42, & Luke 22:39-46).

The second time Jesus felt he was all alone was when he was on the cross and he cried out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me" (Matthew 27:46 & Mark 15:34). The Son of God had never before been separated from his Heavenly Father and he had never before personally felt the austerity of God. He had always been in very close communion and communication with his Father during his 33 years physically living on this earth. And now, although he had committed no sin, but because he was bearing the sins of the world, my sins, upon himself, God had to keep his distance from his beloved Son in whom he was so pleased. Jesus felt this separation from his Heavenly Father, a separation which caused him great distress and intense heartache.

And so, I came to realize, understand and accept that although my accident resulted in an arduous, lonely and physically challenging time, it was nothing compared to what my Saviour willingly and purposefully allowed himself to go through for me, and for anyone else who chooses to put their hope, trust and life in him. I know now that he understood how I felt during those lonely and painfilled days and nights, because he himself experience something far worse than what I went through.

James writes that I should "Consider it pure joy, whenever I face trials of many kinds, that the testing of my faith produces perseverance." And that I should "let perseverance finish its work so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything". (James 1:2-4). This doesn’t mean that I have to paste a smile on when the pain gets bad, but that I can be assured that if I continue to trust God and hope in him during those times, he’ll always show up for me and give me peace.

The lessons I learned during my hospital stay and which I am still learning so many months after, is to accept my new limitations; to be joyful even when challenges come my way; to be more thankful for what I do have; to complain less; to value my family and friends more; and to really appreciate that Jesus allowed himself to undergo such intense loneliness and alone-ness, so that I can have the assurance that he understands and cares deeply for me, always.