Be Careful Little Tongue What You Say

As we spend more time together to develop authentic friendships and relationships with one another, we become aware of, and begin to see each other’s quirks, character flaws, shortcomings and even sins. It then becomes easy for us to discuss something we find irritating about one of our friends with another person in our circle. These may be flaws which bug us and about which we feel a bit superior because we don’t possess those specific attitudes or failings. We may even discuss them with someone else in the guise of “let’s pray for her or him”. But there’s a fine line between gossip, or slander and true care for our fellow traveller in this journey of life.

As followers of Jesus, or believers in God, we’re not generally fuzzy on the concept of gossip. We know it's wrong. In Ephesians 4:29 the Apostle Paul talks about 'no corrupting talk' coming out of our mouths; James warns that with our tongues we both praise God and wish wrong things for our fellow believers (James 3:5-10); and Jesus himself says that ‘what comes out of the mouth is what defiles us, because we speak what’s in our hearts’ (Matthew 15:18). We all know that gossip or slander is damaging and ugly.

Gossip often happens unintentionally, beginning as a positive or neutral conversation that strays unexpectedly into something we know doesn’t feel right. Sometimes it happens because we're angry or even feel vengeful towards someone because they did or said something that hurt us. But most often gossip takes place under the guise of an apparently helpful and well-intentioned conversation, prayer time or need to share something we’re wrestling with about a friend, and we need to share it with someone we trust.

It's understandable in some instances where we need to share a struggle we’re experiencing with a fellow believer, but we must choose carefully who we share our difficulties with, and we must have a heightened sense of when this sharing becomes gossip or slander. Always ensure you share your heartfelt hurts with only one person, someone you completely trust to keep everything you say totally confidential, between the two of you only. Sharing with a second or third person, crosses the fine line of gossip and slander.

We must make every effort to be completely humble, gentle and patient with one another; to keep a bond of peace between us; to be kind and compassionate with each other; to forgive as Christ forgave us; to build others up (Ephesians 4); to not speak maliciously about another; to be considered trustworthy by our friends (1 Timothy 3); to not be slanderers; to teach what is good; to exercise self-control; (Titus 2); to really listen to and therefore understand when someone is sharing their heart with us; to keep a tight reign on our tongues (James 1); to not speak against a brother or sister; and finally to not judge one another (James 4).

And we must always ask ourselves why we’re sharing this information about someone else; or would we want that person to know we were talking about her/him; or how will sharing this information affect that person’s reputation in the eyes of the person we’re giving the news to?

Although this seems to be a very tall order, and it’s often very difficult to maintain this type of above-board character in our daily lives, if we love one another as Jesus loves us, then this is not an unattainable goal.

Let us hold each other in high esteem, and with our Lord’s help keep as our guide the words of the Apostle Peter: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).

What resonated the most with you as you read this?

I'd love to hear from you - just type your thoughts below