Bitter Tears of a Broken Promise

Recently I wasn't sure what I wanted to read in my Bible, so I did the unthinkable. I closed my eyes, opened my bible and pointed my finger on a spot. To my dismay, my finger landed on Matthew 26:75. After reading that “Peter went outside and wept bitterly", I was spurred on to go further back into the chapter to find out what really happened.

Earlier in Matthew 26 Jesus told his disciples that they would be scattered after he was arrested and killed, but that he would be resurrected.

Peter was adamant that "even if everyone fell away, he wouldn't (verse 33). 

Subsequently Jesus told Peter specifically that on this very night, before the rooster crowed, Peter would disown him three times.

Peter then emphatically tells Jesus that even if he (Peter) had to die, he would never disown Jesus (verse 35).

Then shortly after that when Jesus was arrested, Peter followed at a distance to see what would happen. Verses 69 to 74 of Matthew chapter 26 gives the account of the 3 occasions when Peter denied not only being with Jesus, but also being one of Jesus' followers. First, Peter said to a servant girl, “I don’t know what you’re talking about”; secondly, he said with an oath to another servant girl, “I don’t know the man”; and thirdly, he cursed them and swore another oath saying to a crowd that had gathered, “I don’t know the man”.

Peter was as definitive, forceful and vigorous about denying he knew Jesus, or that he was one of Jesus’ followers, as he was earlier that night when he was declared with unmistaken clarity that he was ready to die for Jesus.

Looking at Peter’s life with Jesus prior to this event, gives us a great glimpse of how devoted Peter was to Jesus, how much faith he had in Jesus, how much he loved Jesus, how sure he was that Jesus was sent by God, and how close he considered his relationship with Jesus to be.

Peter was one of the first disciples Jesus called, and Matthew tells us in chapter 4 verse 20, that when Jesus called him, Peter immediately dropped his fishing nets and followed Jesus. Peter didn’t question or hedge. He dropped everything and instantly went with Jesus. Peter believed and was committed from the very beginning.

In chapter 8 of Matthew, we learn that Jesus visited Peter’s home, healed Peter’s mother-in-law, and then stayed to eat and spend time with Peter and his family. This shows that Jesus felt welcomed in Peter’s home with Peter’s family.

In chapter 14, Matthew gives us the account of Peter walking on a turbulent sea towards Jesus, because Jesus told him to come, and he believed that if Jesus said Peter could do this, he certainly could. Such faith is rare, even today. Then Peter cries out to Jesus to save him when he begins to sink, believing that Jesus would indeed save his life, and Jesus did in fact save Peter from drowning.

And in Matthew chapter 16 when Jesus asked, “Who do you say I am?”. Peter answered, “You are the Messiah (the Christ), the Son of the living God”.  Then Jesus replies to Peter and says, “Blessed are you, Simon, son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. This shows that Peter was close to God; that Peter was knowledgeable about the scriptures that the promised Messiah would come to them; that Peter was spiritually in tune.

And in Matthew chapter 17, we see that Peter is among one of three disciples chosen to witness Jesus in his glorious, heavenly form on the Mount of Transfiguration. This illustrates the intimate and trusted relationship Peter enjoyed with Jesus.

This history Peter had with Jesus prior to his denial, helps me understand why Peter wept so bitterly; why he was so torn up by his denial of being with and even knowing Jesus; why he must have felt so unworthy of Jesus. Not only did he experience grave regret for denying his relationship with Jesus, the realization that Jesus knew beforehand that he, Peter, who had made such absolute declarations of loyalty, would deny even knowing Jesus, was heart-wrenching, gut-piercing, soul-crushing, and devastating. Peter never expected, or ever thought he would do something like this.

Reflecting on everything about this story made me so mindful of my own proclamations, commitments, and ultimate failings, as I too have ardently stated how much I love God, how much I will serve him, how much I will do for him, how I will never compromise what I believe for the sake of acceptance, and on and on.

And then I falter. I don’t follow through on all I’ve so enthusiastically declared I would do for God. I too, like Peter deny Jesus because I have other things I want to do, and other ways I want to spend my time.

Regret for falling short of my own promises and declarations takes over, and I recognize that I cannot sit in judgment of Peter or the other disciples who also agreed with Peter, that they too would die before they would disown Jesus, but who fled when Jesus was arrested and crucified.

But here’s the hope I have.

In John’s gospel, chapter 21, I read about Jesus’ reinstatement of Peter, who then goes on to become one the major powerhouses and foundations of the Christian faith, and who eventually gives his very life for Jesus, as he many years prior had firmly said he would do.

So, I too know that I can be forgiven when I fall short and renege on my commitments and promises to God. That doesn’t mean that I should take it lightly when I break my vows or responsibilities. It only means, that God in his graciousness and mercy is willing and able to reinstate me into his wonderful family when I falter and fail.

Therefore, I encourage each and everyone of you, to not give up on yourselves or to not give up on God whenever you fall short of what you hope, want and promise to do for him.

This image is AI-generated, but every word on this blog is written by me, from my own heart, faith, & lived experience, with NO AI generation, writing, editing, or polishing.

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